Tonight is the night

I know I said that I was going to leave in two days but I have to do this now before I change my mind and punk out. I'm waiting for him to fall asleep then I'm going to get my purse and leave. I already packed a bag in put it into the truck of my car. I'm not taking the car because its not in my name and he can report it stolen. So i'm going to take the bus to a place near the shelter then i'm going to walk the rest of the way. It's only 2 blocks down to walk. Tomorrow I'm going to shut my cell phone off then go open a new one somewhere else under a different name so he can't find me. This is a very big step and risk i'm taking but it's time I made a decision for myself. I will blog tomorrow and let you all know how everything goes. Wish me luck!!!!

Do you need help??

Rose Brooks Center is a place that helps domestic violence victims- thier number is 816-861-6100 and their website is http://www.rosebrooks.org

The YWCA is another place to get help from. Their website is http://www.ywca.org

They are helpful to women in need.

This is the last straw

I don’t know where to start. I haven’t been on here to actually talk in a few days. I uploaded the videos at the hospital. Yes I said the hospital, on the 22 we got into a huge fight. And he beat me up so bad that I woke up in the hospital. If it wasn’t for my best friend, I think I would be dead right now.  I think this is the last straw. I can’t keep living like this. His attitude is getting worst and the abuse is getting out of hand.  I think he’s mad that my friends were over the other day. I don’t know because he won’t tell me anything. I hate living on my toes. I don’t want to feel like I have to look over my shoulder every step I take. I need to find a way out. I found a women’s shelter. It’s called YWCA.  It’s a place for women like me and others to go. I don’t know how I’m going to get away but I have too. No one in my family is willing to help me so I guess I’m on my own. But I will make it because I been praying and asking God for a sign to help me. I’m going to make a plan and escape soon. I think in 2 days will be the perfect day.  I will keep you all updated. Because I know there are some women out there that need an escape plan. So I’m making one for all of us. 

A song for us

This is part one

Even though this is a very new song, it still speaks out to me.

This is part two

Finally a good day

Today has been good so far. No fights or yelling, we went out to dinner and it went really well. I never thought we would have a good day after everything that has been going on. I seen the man I fell in love with. I haven’t seen that person in a long time and I must say it was really nice. Days like this makes me wonder why I ever think about leaving. Today he also told me that he loves me and when we get married that we will move away from here. Hopefully one day we will have a big house and family. I guess our lives will turn around when we get officially married. I hope so because, I don’t want my kids to have to see the things I go through. Well I have to go we’re about to enjoy some ice cream and each others company. Finally a good day.

We never see it coming.

Most of us usually never see it coming. It comes unexpected and then it’s too late to leave. Some of us become engaged to the person who abuses us the most. Then we don’t know what to do. My fiance didn’t show any signs of an abusive personality. After we got engaged he changed into a total different person. He started to tell me to not leave the house without his permission, asking for all the numbers of my friends and family. He just started acting really weird. I didn’t pay it any mind because I thought he was just looking out for me, making sure I was safe. One day I had a friend who needed my help picking out paint for her new house and when I went to leave he was sleep. So I left without telling him. I didn’t come back for like 3 hours and when I came threw the door he was standing there with an upset look on his face. Then I realized I shouldn’t have done that. I asked him what was wrong; he walked up to me and smacked me across the face. After that he started to hit me with his fist. When he was done he left and told me to clean myself up and have dinner done. I laid there thinking it was my fault and that how can he protect me if I don’t tell him where I’m going. After a couple of hours he returned with flowers and a card saying I’m sorry. He said that he didn’t know what came over him and that it would never happen again. I forgave him and we ate dinner and watch movies all night.

We usually dont sign up for this.

What is Love??

Last night was another bad night. I haven't got a chance to get on here and talk about what’s been going on lately. I have been on the edge about everything I do. He says he loves me. I don’t know if what we are living is love. If u love someone are you suppose to bring them down? Are you suppose to hit the person you love? I don’t think you are but I don’t have someone to tell me what’s love actually means. So I writing on here to get help and show that if you’re going through something like this you are not alone. I know there is help out there; I just don’t know where to look. He puts so much fear into me. I don’t think I will be able to leave him. But I don’t think I can take this too much longer.

What do i do wrong??

It's the same thing over and over. He's never happy with anything I do. I try my best to do everything he wants right. But it never works that way. Today after class I came home and cleaned the apartment. I also even made dinner. When he came home he found something wrong with dinner. He started to yell and cuss me out. He threw his plate across the table at me. He missed but i was soo scared. Is this what my life is suppose to be??